Okay, I know I just read Claudia's post about complaining, but I needed to vent! I told Stanley last night while laying in bed that I was just not happy. He asked me what I wasn't happy about and all I could come up with was, "everything." That is only partially true. I am so blessed to have a wonderful family, friends, job, a home to keep warm, a full belly, and good health. Those things make me happy, don't get me wrong. But something isn't right. I've struggled with depression over the years, but I've always bounced myself out of it. And I'm sure I'll bounce out shortly...writing about it may help.
Short list of the crappy stuff...
*I'm tired of being the go-to-girl when someone has a problem. Several people in my family and a few friends are always coming to me with their problems. I always listen...offer suggestions when I need to...and allow others to vent. When is it my turn to vent to them?
*I have been so excited about loosing weight and four people told me yesterday, "I hate you...You're so skinny!" Okay, I'm glad I'm loosing weight, but that REALLY hurts my feelings. It's like I now feel guilty for loosing weight.
*I have really been missing my family. All of this exciting stuff is going on there. My sister is moving. My brother is planning. My parents are enjoying life and I'm totally missing out. ::sniff sniff::
*I'm tired of my husband being gone all the time. I guess I am a little jealous that he gets to go and do as often as he pleases. The last time I went out without Bennett to have a "girls night" was the end of March and that was after he was in bed for the night. (Not that I want to be away from my child...that is SO not the case.) Stanley just has so many hobbies...bow shooting, softball, video games, hunting, fishing, and then just whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it. I guess I'm selfish. I want some of his time. (Don't think my husband isn't good...he's awesome...loves me, his child, and provides for us.)
*I'm just tired.
Ugh, this is getting a little depressing. I truly apologize!!! I just want this perfect little story book life that is nearly impossible to have. You know when you're a child...you think "I'll have this perfect life...perfect husband...perfect children...perfect home...everything will be perfect" And then, we grow up and realize that perfect is not a possibility...
Again, this is just me venting. I don't need sympathy...maybe some prayers...to get outta the dumps.
I have a wedding to go to tonight. It starts a 5 and Bennett likes to eat supper about that time...no later than 5:45. So, we might be feeding during the wedding, but who cares??? Hope we have a blast!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Just not happy...
Posted by Sarah Beth at Saturday, June 06, 2009
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1 comments:
Number one rule here ... It's your own blog, you write about anything you want, no need to apologize at all.
That being said and knowing that you clearly say you don't want sympathy ... I'm still putting my nose where it doesn't belong!!!!! ha ha ha
If you are skinny and you feel great about your self, more power to you girl, we women are the jealous kind (know what I'm saying?) there's always gonna be someone jealous (remember what we talked in Bible Study??) ... do not allow that to hurt your feelings, I'm sure the girls that told you that didn't mean to hurt you ... it was probably there way to say "I wish I could do what you are doing!". Look at yourself in the mirror and feel wonderful about your accomplishment!!!!!
second - I remember when Nicolas was a baby and I felt like I could never do what I wanted to do as a woman (as a Mom I was doing what I wanted to do) ... but after a while (not sure how long) Matt and I talked and realized how much happier we were if we took the time to do the thing we liked so we made an effort to have time for ourselves individually and as a couple, is not easy, it takes time to get used to living your baby and let your husband feed him, bath him, put in on his PJs and all ... but once you see they are perfectly capable and how nice it is to leave without guilt and worry to enjoy your evening out it's a wonderful feeling. You will be so much happier when you get home, your husband will appreciate that too ... it just works the whole thing better.
And I better stop now before I keep opening my big mouth.
I love you and I just prayed for you and I'll keep doing it!!! :)
Could we have a pic from the wedding??? I'm sure you 3 are going to look so cute!
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